Taking things for granted

Hey all.

It's already a f r e s h new month...

& well, I can't stop but being super excited and happy about the days ahead that are about to come. That's simply because after the recent reflection and for all the things I have gone through as a child up until today, I realised one very, very important thing... I have never been able to strongly pursue something that I genuinely am passionate about. If you know me well as a person, it is true that I have always been a high achiever, be it from extra-curricular activities, to my education and up to my job profession to. No matter what I do in life so far, I will always try to give my very best and in fact for most of the time, it's always at least my very 100% own effort or more often, exceeding that. Thankfully, I have close friends, family, loved ones around me who can certainly vouch for that trait of mine. & because of that, I realised that for what I've been doing so far in my life up until my present job (which I'm going to officially bid goodbye soon...), was done out of true, genuine and sincere love, respect and in total obedience towards the people who have raised me up so dearly by providing me with all the relevant training and education etc since young, which have moulded me into this young lady today. 

As such, all these qualifications, job titles etc that I have gained/achieved overall so far as a child up until today, was never really something that I have always wanted to pursue or chase for. In fact, I had a fear all these time and constant questions about what would eventually happen if I did not give my best towards the things that I was tasked to do or at least "expected" to do (without saying as a daughter/individual/young lady) by those who poured out so much effort and time in ensuring that I have been well taken care of in life. However, I realised as I was trying to constantly match up to their expectations, it has gradually become or developed into a burden to myself without me even realising it. 

Pursuant from my recent recovery after I fell sick from my previous post, it has truly opened up my heart and also allowed me to reflect and realised so much, that this so-called "perfectionist" trait or the inability to let my actions have any chance of leading to failure towards those who I deem as people whom I'm indebted to (from school, work, home, anyone whom I've once connected with which have taught me things or have played any role in contributing any good form of gesture/actions in my life), is one of the qualities/personalities that I have come to understand only recently which have been deeply embedded in me since young. & unknowingly, it is also a trait I carry which most often, will be taken advantage of by people whom I never expected would do that towards me... Therefore, without truly being mindful of how this trait of mine which I have comfortably used it to represent/carry myself (unknowingly) and lived with all these years of my life - I have come to a realisation recently that I shall not let the past events which I have experienced from workplace to affect or change me as a person in a whole despite knowing how easily sometimes this trait of mine can be deemed as a weakness or even some powerful trait which can be manipulated or used by others in order to achieve their goals in life. 

I can't help but only to assume that some may have the following thoughts or may want to say these which are more inclined towards the negative side of things simply because it would be the most realistic response that I believe most would say to me after reading all of the above:

1. "That's life, we move on after encountering bad experience at work etc.. That's how we grow up.. "
2. "That just shows you're unable to move on.. It means that you're just holding grudges towards that person/people etc.."
3. "That's part of growing up. We have gone through that and been there before, done that too.."
4. "You should be glad that you have discovered these side of things now rather than later."
5. "You shouldn't have placed too much trust on someone/people at work in the first place."
6. "You should know when to give your trust or when not to give your trust out so easily to people at work."
7. "You should know how to draw a line at work - learn how to differentiate when to deliver and give your best and when to not etc..."
8. "You could have learnt how to say NO or refuse to do work if you think you're being tasked unfairly etc.."
9. "You're just too soft/stupid.. If I were you, I wouldn't have even agreed to it etc or even led myself to go through such unnecessary burden/pressure.."

After going through all of the above mentioned, I am pretty sure that some or most of you would already have an idea or possibly full story in mind of what I have actually experienced or gone through at work for the past few years as soon as I step foot into the working world right after graduating as a Masters student officially (again, unknowingly....note that the word "unknowingly" is heavily repeated somehow).. In view of the above, some of you may even agree or come to conclusion that these are naturally things that would cropped up in life because they are incidents that everyone of us are bound to experience as soon as we step foot into the real life/world call "work life". 

Well . . . As if I did not know about that already... 

But, as I grow up, I have always had the benefit and experience of only hearing about these from a third party point of view and through words of wisdom shared by people and those who are way ahead of me with more experience in both life and work; and never in a million, million years, have I ever thought that these words or "realistic" things would actually happen to me in such a personal way to the extent that it almost led me to losing trust in people (at workplace).. I mean, I have always seen these through by watching dramas etc and listening to words/stories of others, but it really never struck my mind before that it could actually happened to me. Like WOW.. When I look back at all these signs, and hints so far from my workplace and how I was being treated, it just reflected on how fresh and obedient I was back then when I first started my job.. & even so, I still trusted those who always claimed that they are guiding me and watching over me and continued to behave and delivered my work at all times in a manner that I would never give in to any room of failure and let alone towards those at work who claimed that they appreciate my work etc. 

I never knew by placing trust or with the strong character that I have all these while (ME: I would never doubt the people around me at workplace since they are viewed as my mentors from the very first day I started working in my first official corporate job) whereby I would always give my best and strive at work at all times would actually lead to such experience in my life or more specifically, being taken advantage of. Moreover, it has never ever crossed my mind that this trait of mine whereby I have been delivering my quality of work in the same way no less than how I have always given to things around me since young from my university days where I would excel all the way, would be deemed as a great tool to be manipulated by some whom I have always looked up to or respected at work, or more importantly, a true mentor whom I trusted solely which would be the one to witness my personal growth/development at work and to also know how to give me the kind of reward that I would never ever have to ask for. 

In a nutshell, all these written words are truly my personal encounter and sharing so far. I don't want to be writing or leaving/quoting names of who or what specifically is, but I want this space to constantly be a ringing reminder to my future self when I look back at this space and progress further in life that: 

I have actually grown up so much over the years through all these... And these are the feelings/personal encounters/incidents that I had experienced back then which led me to who I am today.

My working experience outside since the day I have graduated may not be a lot to most of you, but to me, it has been a very enriching learning experience where I'm so happy and proud to say, I am really a grown up adult now. I am glad to know that I can see through things much easily compared to those days where I first graduated as a freshie. & even though I have gone through the pain of being manipulated without realisation throughout the years at my workplace, it is undeniably a process and part of the whole growing up and progression to being a real adult without the financial support of your parents behind. Therefore, I am genuinely pleased to know that I have become my own person, with or without my family's background etc or what not, I am able to come out of this shell on my own, to face the real world by myself without being scared that I will struggle and not being able to stand on my own financially, physically, mentally and emotionally. I believe that it is through all these tough trainings which God has planned for me since young and up until today that have prepared me well to do the real thing call LIFE from my 26-years-old-self onwards. & for that, I am truly thankful and blessed to say that I am ready to live the years ahead of me with another new path coupled with more enriching experiences be it in the form of pain, struggle, happiness, opportunities etc which He has planned for me. 

I can't believe this, but I am very excited to be living and moving on to the next phase of my life along with all the people whom I truly love. The life that God has created for me is indeed a miracle, isn't it? He works in so many wonderful ways which you can't even imagine. 

Happy 4th of August everyone! ☺

* * *

In a whole, today's post is a bit of my personal sharing again about how my own experience at work over the years brought so much self-realisation to me from understanding my personal character/trait to teaching me lessons on how I should view or move forward in life. I hope my post today managed to help some of you who are probably going through something similar in life in a personal way. 

Thanks for dropping by this space!

Have a great Sunday and new week ahead~

Till then,

✗